I love you just because you listen..

Do you ever look at your life and think to yourself that you aren’t where you thought you’d be? I have been the master of my fate, controller of my destiny for longer than I should have been. Making grownup decisions before I was old or wise enough to. Learning, quite often, the hard way. If you threw all the people that have helped or affected those decisions into a room together, most of them wouldn’t have anything in common with each other… a very colorful group. I’ve changed alot over the years, especially the more recent ones. Some things haven’t changed. I still care what people think of me, less than I used to, but still enough to affect some decisions I make. I still put all the needs and most of the wants of my family above anything else. I would give anyone the shirt off my back, if they needed it.. all they have to do is ask. Then there’s alot of things that have changed. I am not as openly trusting as I used to be. I know that people, whether intentional or not, tend to disappoint. I have matured, learning how to make wiser, longer-lasting choices. The last 5 years have been my “move into being a grown-up” years. Through that I didn’t think I could change anymore. Then, the other day I realized that I was in the middle of a big change. One that alot of people I considered as close friends got left behind. Possibly left behind isn’t the right way to put it. We all travel our own path. When I reach a crossroads, some of the people in my life go on the same path I am, and some move in the other direction. Usually parting ways permanently. So, not so much are they “left behind”, but instead, they move on with their lives in another direction. Why is it then, that I have such a huge issue with letting go of some of them? Could it be because I take they’re choice not to stay on a closer running path with me personally? I feel as though they moved away from me instead of realizing that my life is always moving and it may be as simple as theirs isn’t at the moment. Someday I would like to have the ability to care without getting completely attached. Or I would like the ability to accept loss  of a friend without feeling as though it’s a personality flaw on my behalf. Maybe this is why I reach out to strangers, they can’t hurt me as much because if there’s any rejections or lack of response, I can easily move on to any of another 4 million available. Strangers are also like quick snapshots of history, each one sharing their most interesting moments of clarity that they believe will interest or affect me or anyone that will listen. That is why we share parts of ourselves after all, with the hope that someone, somewhere, will care.