Have you ever been with someone that was everything you always dreamed your perfect man would be. Magically they tell you they love you. You would do anything for them, and do… You love to make them happy. Is person begins to consume you.
You not only dream about him (or her) but eating, sleeping, working and any other daily activities are completely consumed with them. You are so infatuated that you are unaware of anything else. You will do anything to make them happy, including compromise yourself. It doesn’t happen quickly. Actually, you’re not even aware of it until someone points it out. You ignore them of course because the blindfold of warm fuzzies is letting you see no fault. We all know at some point that blindfold gets old and starts to wear thin enough to see clearly through. Then you have to make a choice, continue or change something, if you’re not happy or it’s not healthy for you. When you’re in a long term committed relationship, the time will come that you have to make a conscious decision to continue loving the other person. And that some days, is not easy.
I have wasted so much time in many of my relationships trying to please a man that wants to do absolutely nothing for me in return. Not that i noticed until there were giant holes in my blindfold of love, because I’m a rescuer, and a people pleaser. What can I do to make things better for them? That question I ask myself at least once a day. Then today, while driving down the road I had an epiphany. I was wallowing about feeling lonely and wondering if I will ever be able to walk into a relationship with no blindfold and finally be with an equal partner. Then I realized, I don’t have to be lonely right now, I have friends and family. And they are more than willing to fill my lonely social pocket. I started doing a friend inventory. Learning from all the past relationships, trying to calculate who would be the most positive to focus on, even use as a guideline for the next time I begin an intimate relationship. One in particular stood out more than the rest. This man is consistent. Without fail he always has time for me, no matter what he’s doing and makes me feel more important than whatever I interrupted. My mom once told me, you know you find a good man when he buys you presents. This one does, not just on holidays but sometimes, just because. A man that is the standard to which I should have measured every guy. A man that lives by his integrity and word. He puts family above anything else. I have known him a long time, before I was old enough to work… Because of his example, I know how to work hard, to be loyal, and in turn I have become successful. This man also has always held the fragility of my heart with the utmost care. He gets protective when I get hurt and goes to great lengths to keep me safe. I feel like an idiot looking back, seeing how much I was following my emotions, taking for granted what I’ve had my entire life. Worrying about making man after man happy that care only for their own concerns. Showing me just enough affection to pad that blindfold for a little bit longer. This man has always been honest with me. Even when it hurts or was critical, I would always know the unconditional love behind it. And of course he’s a man and sometimes things come out not as they were intended causing my girl defense border come out shooting. But we’ve always come out of those misunderstandings with a peace treaty and a better understanding of each other. He used to tell me when he saw me doing something stupid, try to save me some pain, but usually I wouldn’t listen. Then when everything happened just as he tried to warn me it would, as a good friend, instead of “I told you so” he was there with a Kleenex and a hug to make it all better. He patiently watched as I had bad relationship after bad relationship, and when those fell apart… He is the guy I would come to for comfort. I have never had to question that his intentions weren’t always in my best interest. He is selfless, charitable, and everything I have looked up to. He leads by example and people look up to and respect him. I look at this list, kicking myself in the butt, all along the perfect man has been right in front of me. But because of my self worth I didn’t think I deserved prefect…. Too bad I can’t marry him since he’s already married to my mom. I love you dad and I love that our relationship continues to get better and better with age, just like you.
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