I love you because you didn’t cough on me…

Day 9 of voluntary quarantine. I should have been writing before this, but to be honest.. it wasn’t as funny till now. Here’s some of the adjustments.

I have been sending memes back and forth with one of my friends, we have almost made it through all memes post 1996.. not sure what happens when we run out. On that note, I have begun to answer work emails with memes instead of sentences. No one has said anything yet. Most of them are about the rampant lack of toilet paper.

I have not worn pants in 9 days. I have realized that I might wear pjs forever.

Day 1-6 I ate oatmeal (not really…a zebra cake and Dr Pepper) for breakfast. Lunch was a salad ( just kidding was totally Hawaiian rolls) dinner was well balanced and thought out (14 Hershey kisses and a bag of popcorn). I realized on day 7 that pj pants may be my only option if I continued and also I haven’t drank any water at all in almost a week. So now I’m eating a little healthier.

When I go to the grocery store because we are completed out of a necessity I feel high. Possibly because I haven’t breathed outside air in days.. feels like months. While being high on outside air, I think I make people at the store uncomfortable.. they usually give me a wide berth. Could be the pj pants, or the loudly talking about how I’ve been out of toilet paper for 4 months and I’ve resorted to using the baby socks I hadn’t given away yet.

The kid started online school today. They have been homeschooled, but thankful to my wonderful parents, I worked and they took the bulk of the responsibility. I don’t think I give them enough credit. Ever. Today my kids got to experience conference video chat for the first time, as I watched and laughed.. things do not change in that regard from high school to adulthood apparently. There is still that one dude that doesn’t realize he can mute his microphone instead of letting the whole world hear either fart noises or them having a conversation with someone else in the room about what they want on their pizza.

I have begun to look at the back of the cupboard to get creative with the meal planning. Do you think canned chicken, sautéed in peanut butter and baby carrots. With an old rice-o-roni instant pack will go well? You’re right.. I should throw some 4 year old aged kraft mac n cheese in as well.

We had a family discussion over dinner last night about what you can and can’t cook in a old school popcorn maker (thanks dad) and discussed the best ways to catch, squirrels and rabbits in the back yard.

Im not to the point of counting squares of TP yet, but we may get there. In light of homeschooling, I have assigned an additional project to the kids to research alternatives. Best one yet is just to rub our butts on the ground outside like the dog.

I’ve been justifying my grub hub and doordash purchases as “supporting local restaurants” since everyone is curbside or delivery only. Really, it’s because the kids don’t want to try unicorn hair (ramen and fruit loops, boiled).

I am resisting the urge to text exes. It’s getting stronger and I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. If I text you, understand it’s purely from a boredom stand point, it will lead to nothing.

I like watching people walk around incorrectly wearing dust masks. I’m thinking of starting a FB group kind of like spot the wookie

I am doing welfare checks on my friends. Please understand, most of the time, I’m just making sure you’re still breathing. Don’t feel like we need to share what’s going on in each other’s lives at the moment. Most of the things happening in my house, trust me, you probably aren’t ready to hear, unless you have alternate TP ideas, I which case, we can talk for hours.

Every time I get a tickle in my throat I have a minor panic.. then I remember, I ate dairy, and I’m allergic to dairy. I figure the risk/reward is worth it right now, since 1. I’m 4 feet from the bathroom 2. I’m not out in public and 3. I’m wearing elastic pants.

I read somewhere that if you can take a deep breath and hold it for 10 seconds without hacking and coughing that you’re lungs are ok so far. Whether that’s true or not, sometimes it’s just good to take a deep breath and remember this is all temporary. Stay safe, don’t lick doorknobs or anything else for that matter. And I’ll come back for an update tomorrow.

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