As the year came to a close, I noticed on social media the common theme was
“This year was horrible, I hope the next year is better.” They scream that they are all looking for hope. Hope of a new future, the next chapter, positive change. And I realized, it bothered me. Truthfully, it kind of ticked me off. What happened to being grateful for the moments we get, good and bad? What happened to working hard, being self-motivated, and going after what you want. I feel like we have officially entered an era where this generation is waiting for life to give them what they are owed. Spoiler, life doesn’t owe anyone. Ever. A few years ago, I began to look at everything differently. What defines us, isn’t what life happened to us, but what we do with the things that do happen. How much fight we have, drive we pull, happiness we create. I watch friend after friend talk about how the year was horrible, they didn’t achieve anything they were thinking they would have because they sat back and waited for it to happen. Causing the severe disappointment when the winning lotto ticket didn’t fall in their lap. This year was full of devastating losses, but it was one of the best years I’ve ever had.
I lost my grandfather, someone I thought was immortal. He silently inspired me by showing me unyielding patience, not only with me, but with my kids. The loss is still incredibly painful, not only for me, but for my parents, my kids and my grandma, and everyone whose lives he touched.
Because I lost him, I was able to learn that the love I dreamed about as a child does exist, there can be years of commitment and fairytale togetherness with the right person. And that we shouldn’t take even one moment for granted. The difference between the next time and the last time you see someone could be minutes.
I lost the man I thought I would be with forever, someone I thought was a best friend, and in doing so, I realized you can’t fight for someone when they won’t fight for you.
But I gained the ability to love me for me, not for what someone else thinks I should be.
I lost several people this year that I thought would be in my life forever. Some of them may eventually make their way back, but I’m done chasing and compromising who I am and my beliefs for their benefit.
But I gained the ability to let go. It doesn’t shut off my love for them, but it does let me live with no regrets and no shame. If I’m happy with who I am, then I don’t care if those that choose to exit don’t want the real me in their life.
I lost a drug addiction, for good. Not just a drug addiction, but addiction period. I realized that being in unhealthy relationships because I was compromising who I was, were making it too easy to have an excuse to use.
But I gained the wisdom I needed to see a bad situation before it happens, and the strength to stay away from them completely.
I lost my safety net. It became time for me to stand in my own feet again. And quit relying completely on others to try to hold my life together.
But I learned it’s ok to fail, as long as you get back up and try again. I also gained the knowledge that I am capable of whatever I put my mind to, something I had forgotten long ago.
I lost my fear of cancer.
But I learned that the people that could see through the attempts to be strong, when all I felt was the overwhelming desire to sit in the corner, cry, and give up, are the ones I want to keep around forever.
I lost my timid self.
But I realized the only way I will get to where I want to be, is going after it myself. And be somewhat loud about it.
I lost depression. It started by making a conscious effort every day to get excited to wake up, go to work, maybe make a difference for some of the amazing men I see every day. I realize that this doesn’t sound like a bad loss, but I was comfortable and complacent in my depression.
But I gained natural joy. Now I don’t have to make an effort, I find myself with a grin on my face all day long, without realizing it. Oddly enough, those grins are kind of contagious.
I lost a lot of weight, partially because of the radiation, but mostly because I decided to spend a large part of my down time being active and in doing so, I also lost my craving for junk food, sugars and soda. Again, doesn’t sound like a horrible loss, but in it, I lost my need to eat my feelings.
I’ve gained the realization that I can make things happen exactly as I want them to, and that nothing controls me, but me.
I lost my need for codependency.
And I’ve gained the ability to be happy alone, which has made turning down options that might not be the best for me, easily. And allowed me to find someone that is better for me than I thought was possible.
If I were to take in to account just the losses, it was one of the toughest yet. But when I look at what I’ve gained, there isn’t even a comparison. More than anything I’ve lost or gained this year, I got the lesson that every hard moment is an opportunity to build myself up stronger than before, so when I come out on the other side, I’m even more untouchable and indestructible than I was before.
So, think about all the struggles you’ve had this last year, and be grateful that you got the opportunity to find inner strength you didn’t know existed, friends that wouldn’t give up on you no matter what, or people that believe in you more than you believe in yourself. Or maybe you are learning to believe in yourself. Be grateful you get to wake up every morning and go be the badass your struggles are shaping you into. You never know who you will run into today and what an inspiration you might be to them, whether you know it or not. This year holds whatever you choose to make of it. It probably is going to have some serious bumps… but you and you alone, will determine if this is the best year you’ve ever had.