I’ve been accused of caring too much. I didn’t know that was a thing, or I guess I should say even a possibility. I still don’t think that’s a possibility… I think the world doesn’t care enough. I’ve come to realize that after I’ve know you awhile, something happens and I can no longer ‘not care’ about you. No matter what the course of our relationship, or obstacles that happen to be on the path, I can’t switch it off, ever. This includes people that have hurt or wronged me, no matter how bad it was. I don’t know why I’m built like this, but it makes for very long friendships/relationships. I might go a while without reaching out to you (especially if you hurt me), but if you pick up the phone and call me…. I’m always available for an ear, a shoulder… And many times, whatever else I can help with.
Why do I have to be a rescuer? It can incredibly rewarding, but mostly it’s incredibly exhausting and trying. Emotionally I find myself completely drained and broken into million pieces, over and over. I can’t tell you how my times I have prayed, or sought advice on how to be able to walk away, how to hold onto the pain and hurt that was caused, so I don’t get hurt again. I forgive easily and forget slightly after. And I open my heart and arms to anyone and everyone again and again. Always wanting to believe that they are really changed this time, and I’m not just being used, but that they actually will take the help I’m offering or they’ve asked for and use it as a launching pad for the better direction they claim they are looking for.
Unfortunately, the ones that have done the most damage, those are the ones my heart seems to hold onto harder, those are the ones I care about more and cry over harder, again and again. I want the best for them, those broken souls, the lost and directionless… But after so many times of jumping to their aid, and watching them crumble again and again after the resources from the help are gone… Maybe it’s time for tough love. Am I strong enough? Did I finally grow up enough to realize that I can’t save everyone by giving them what they want? Instead, I’m stepping back, praying a lot, and letting them take care of themselves for a change. Which is what they need. No easy outs, no spoon fed moments, no answers to the problems. Just a friend, who will be there to listen if you need.
So to you, my beautiful, broken, lost, hurting friend. A promise, forever.
I will be there to encourage you and tell you I’ve always believed you can be better, bigger and more incredible than you give yourself credit for. I will cheer you on, because I know you are capable. And I will always love you, for you, no matter how much you struggle, how many times you fall, or what path you choose. I will love you despite your failures and successes, when you have wealth and when you have nothing. I will love you unconditionally, unwaveringly and without expectations. You will always have a place in my heart and you are always on my mind. I am here, always. I believe in you.