So much has changed. New job, new house (sort of), new relationship, new beginnings and directions, new everything. The job is amazing, better than I ever expected. I can carry on conversations with doctors, professors and the world’s smart people without feeling stupid. Occasionally I can teach them something too. (best feeling ever!) I’m learning to make decisions based on my resources and current knowledge, and to be OK with the outcome of those decisions (even if it means learning they were the wrong ones). I’m learning that even though I can’t see it, there is a reason for everything, always; and without fail, prayer works. I’m learning to dig inside and really get in touch with my emotions, something I haven’t really done for a few years. Feeling again after so long kinda sucks sometimes, but it also makes for some really great moments too. I feel like even though everything is in a constant state of chaos and nothing is secure right now, everything will still be OK.
So I mentioned that the job is awesome! And it is. The people, on the other hand are less than stellar. They make for good stories when I get home. Those “I can’t believe people behave that way” kind of stories. There’s a few good people too… they were hard to find, had to dig for a few weeks, but I found them. One in particular is an amazing lady, who always sees the brighter side of everything. I know if something is bugging me, I just need to go on a walk with her and I come back ready to face the rest of the day and all it has to throw at me. She is truly a beautiful soul. The makings of a great life-time friend.
I’m also figuring out the very different corporate world… like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Talents are appreciated, but being obnoxious and in the way all the time seems to be working to get ahead and get what you want. I keep reminding myself that these people will all go their separate way and the chances of me having to sit next to them for the next 18 months are slim. The other thing I’m getting used to is the total lack of productivity. No one does anything 70%-98% of the time. The 70% is being generous only because occasionally we have classes. The rest of the time is spent by the majority talking about what they’re going to do the next weekend, or what they just got done doing, depending on whether it’s before or after Wednesday. The lack of productivity amazes me… and what’s worse… there’s really nothing to do.. at all. We’re between training sections right now, so the majority is supposed to catch up on their testing. The rest of us, we have studied, quizzed each other, and done pretty much anything we could think of to try to stay busy.. today, I ran out of things. it’s a great job, but I didn’t realize how much I needed to stay busy until now. I feel like punching a puppy (not really, unless it was an ugly puppy). Crawling out of my skin, every little thing is driving me crazy, more than normal. The whining and childishness of the cube buddies was extra irritating. Alot of people would kill for this job, and I’m truly grateful, but I have run out of crayons and there’s no one to play cards with.