I love you because you popped my floaties

I was doing some self-reflecting at my desk today at my amazing job that I’m incredibly grateful for every single day. You know, the reflecting with your eyes closed, head back, feet up and a little droomy slowly making its way out of the left corner of your mouth. I realized I’m bored. Not with work necessarily, but with my life.  I’m bored with the complete lack of  direction, progress and daily life. I have been sitting in a stagnant pool of mediocrity and acceptance for far too long this time. Don’t get me wrong, that wading pool is ok to visit sometimes, but just that, quick, unfamiliar, unfriendly visits where you stop in to pee but you make it clear you’re just here to make the water a little warmer, not to hang around and get raisin toes. I’ve had raisin toes for too long, and I’ve been sitting while others come in and make the water warmer, and I’ve had enough.  I also came to realize, it’s ok, if you’re married, to leave your partner in the pool for awhile on their own, especially of you’ve waded to the part where you have to use your legs to stay afloat and they are just holding your shoulders instead of kicking on their own. So, yesterday, I decided, enough is enough, I walked over to the edge of the pool, I let him know I was getting out and i made my way to the grown up pool, the one that’s always deeper than your head, but has a diving-board to practice on and judges to help keep score. And a deep end that every once in awhile you have to go in to see how much you can handle, no more floaters, no more piggie back rides, no more acceptance that this is just the way things are going to be and there are no other options.