Quarantine day eleventy-seven…

We are now at the point that the days are becoming slightly more clear, the weeks are flying by, but the days of the week are clearer. I think my people skills are getting better.. but on the same hand, I’m pretty sure I’m the same level of awkward as before. I am kind of digging the masks thing.. there’s something about having your face half hidden that removes a lot of stress of looking good.

Mother’s Day came and went, moderately uneventful. I was reminded again how lucky I am.. both that my kids are great, they don’t fight for the most part, they do chores without being asked… and most importantly, they aren’t toddlers. I feel for all the moms (and dads) that have been stuck inside with any child that is not completely ok being alone, and/or plugged into electronics like a crack addict. Those are the same children that need to eat all day.. We’ve managed to only go to the store twice in the last 3 months by only eating once every other day. Kidding, we have ordered enough take-out to feed them all at least once every 3 hours.

The threat of loss of internet access is the only thing that is making the final days of homework get finished. The school announcing that everyone’s grades will not decrease, regardless of participation, and then sending several emails a day telling me how many assignments each kid is missing… is sending mixed signals. Feels like an ex.

This week I learned that I shouldn’t eat bread several times a day. Or donuts. Or cookies. I learned that if someone is really important to me, I will make time… even and especially when all I really want to do is stay home. I have regretted going out exactly zero times.

I learned that sometimes, it’s ok to just sit and be with someone, maybe that’s all they need. They may need that silence more than you need to talk.

I learned that there is only one person that I can go to the bathroom with on video chat, and they are finally ok with it.. I think it means they are stuck with me in their lives forever.

I learned through a terrible situation that you don’t know the kind of impact you make on those around you. If you ever thought you were invisible, you weren’t to everyone. And the impacts we make through smalls act of friendship, or kindness, might make the difference in someone’s life that you never get to see. Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it wasn’t epic.

I have spent a lot of time in the last few weeks/months reevaluating every close relationship I have. Some I am making a concentrated effort to further and some stayed the same. Some of them I am letting go of because it’s time to move on. It’s no longer about the career, or the money, I was going to say or the status, but if you know me… that one didn’t matter before, it won’t matter now.. everything is about the people.

This week I finally reached the point where I am no longer taking any human contact for granted. I think I needed a “tolerance” break. This new world we are learning to live in doesn’t seem like it will ever quite be the same. Maybe it needed the change. Maybe next time it could be a little less rough.

This one is a little sappy… sorry, feeling sappy today. Here’s things I will NOT miss.

Reminding teenagers that I have seen them in the same clothes for a week straight and declaring a “shower day”.

The smell of microwaved ramen.

Having no spoons.. seriously, where are all the spoons.

Trying to convince the delivery drivers that we do not in fact have the ‘rona and they don’t have to throw the food at the front door and run.

Trying to convince my oldest daughter that even though she’s been the mom for the last decade or more, that it’s ok.. I’m here now and I can do it.. .because apparently, being a working single parent and relying heavily on the kids has made them super independent. She can have the household back.. I had my fun, we are good.

The smell of popcorn. I think that’s all they eat is ramen and popcorn.

Being kicked off the internet because everyone has 4 separate devices going at once.

Feeling like the dog loves me only for my blankets.

Feeling like the kids love me only for the food and internet I provide.

Being alone.. the majority of the time. Thank you to the few people that have braved the ‘rona scare to make sure I am getting my allotment of hugs, cookies, and time with your faces. You are my heart.

This entry was posted in 2020. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply