Life is a journey, and the older I get I begin to actually see what that means more and more. As a young adult, you feel as though you know everything, no one can teach you anything, Then you begin to find yourself, or at least what you think is a version of yourself that will stay with you through adulthood. And after some time in that skin you become comfortable with who you think you are and your thought process begins to change again. Recently I was asked if I thought that people change as they become older. I said yes at first, and then really thought about what that meant. Change what exactly? Who I am is still the person I was at 5, 8, and 16, but now with more experiences that have shaped further those prominent traits that were prevalent then. I am still the compassionate person I was when I was listening to a story at the dinner table in 1991Â with my family and table talk turned to a high school student that had attempted to commit suicide the day before. I was moved to tears and had to excuse myself. I still feel the unmistakable pull to help those with less than I have, even when I have nothing.
I haven’t written lately (not sure anyone reads this anymore anyway), because I feel like I’m… going through the fire… I guess that’s a good way to put it. I am an addict. I have been an addict for a long time. I’ve been trying to deal with my addiction for a long time and I am finally free, 8 weeks free on Monday. I reached a point where I had to take a hard look at myself and the direction I was taking my family. I realized I was holding on to my addiction, placing it first above anything else in my life. I had to let it go before I lost everything. it has cost me alot, and I will continue to pay the cost for many years to come I’m sure.
I feel as though we all have something in our lives we’re addicted to, whether it’s a good addiction, or an unhealthy one, is the only thing that makes things a little different. But we all have something that when we’re told we can’t have it, we turn into “survival” mode and begin to do things out of the norm to restore the previous outlet, to get that next “fix”. As I look behind me, only long enough to quickly view where I’ve been, it reminds me the distance I’ve gained and the mountains I’ve overcome. I know that the only option for me now is to move forward into a world that suddenly has more possibilities and opportunities than ever before. I will continue to grow, and things around me will change, but I will again find the person I was.