I have not had any inspiration in a while. I realize that saying that may not mean a whole lot. But for me, it’s a first. Usually, no matter what is going on in my life, I always can sit down and write… At least something. It may not be good, moving, inspirational, grammatically correct, or even readable, but it was at least something. Even stream of consciousnesses have disappeared. I switched to art for awhile. But there’s always been some sort of ultimate joy and satisfaction from creating a picture or idea from words I can put in a specific order, my order, and neatly express my thoughts. Ok, so maybe sometimes not so neatly. Sometimes, messy is more fun anyway.
Over the last I few months, I have grown, more than I thought I could.
I have realized that I work differently than most people in my life.
I’ve learned that I can express myself clearly and in ways others can relate to.
I’ve learned than not everyone can, and I’ve watched how frustrating it can be. Which made me more grateful for the ability.
I’ve learned that I can read between the lines in places that silence fills.
I’ve learned that pain is easiest to see in those places.
I’ve learned that most people just want to know that someone understands their story, and view. And that connecting on that level is all most need to heal some of that pain.
I’ve learned that parents can do more damage to their child’s ability to launch into a successful future by simply uttering any phrase or word that the child could interpret as “you will fail”.
I’ve learned there are A LOT of phrases that qualify.
I’ve learned that when someone is not quite an adult, is when they need to hear, more than ever, that they are capable of reaching those long-forgotten dreams. Or even better, that they are allowed to dream and have the brains, skills, and drive to chase them.
I’ve learned that sometimes, parents forget that their children still need them, even when it feels like they would rather never see you again.
I’ve learned that asking a hurting, lost kid how they are, may not seem like it makes a difference now… But it does.
I’ve learned, never, ever judge a book by its cover. There are a lot of treasures, first-edition, hand-bound, one-of-a-kinds that show a little wear and tear… But once you start reading, you’ll never want to put it down.
I’ve learned that adventures come at unexpected times, frequently, but most of us usually ignore the opportunity because it’s too much of a disruption to our daily lives.
I’ve learned that teenage boys and girls desperately need someone to believe in them, and tell them they are loved, unconditionally.
I’ve learned I can be a mom to someone even though I haven’t been there since day one.
I’ve learned that my family will never be too big. Ever.
I’ve learned there is nothing more valuable than the things I can offer that didn’t cost money, just time.
I’ve learned that my parents did a phenomenal job and I can still learn from them daily.
I’ve learned that I will do whatever I want to do, because that’s who I am, but sometimes its ok to incorporate things that others may want to do too.
I’ve learned that I can show my kids that I can turn dreams into reality and sometimes, I have to color, not only outside the lines, but maybe off the paper to make it happen.
I’ve learned that my sobriety is the most important thing, and that controlling and protecting it is the greatest things I can do for myself, my dreams, and my family.
And I’ve learned that I have enough rebeliousness, red hair, and fire in me to still fight like hell for all the things I’ve learned, believe in, and dream about.