It hurts. Took longer this time than the last time to feel it. I thought I was handling things ok, but it hurts. I faced one of the biggest battles I’ve ever had, you, by my side. There was rough, rocky patches, but you stayed. I won that battle, against odds I wouldn’t bet in again, and you celebrated with me. Life began picking up speed and things seemed to be moving in a forward, positive way. Then you left.
I shouldn’t have been surprised, everyone leaves. I should stop saying that, because the ‘right’ person won’t. I know this is supposed to make me stronger, but I just finished fighting for my life and I was already exhausted, drained.. this was a final blow.
I’m trying to look to a future I didn’t know I was going to have, just a few months ago. And though it’s bright, full of hope and promise… facing it without you makes it seem a little darker… scary even. I wish I could make you care. I miss that feeling of being the most important thing in your life. The security of knowing your arms were there when I got home to hold the pieces left from the day together until I was strong enough to do it on my own. Now, I have to do it all on my own. I’m trying to hold it together, to be strong, to embrace the suck so it heals faster… but this suck hurts, in ways I never want to feel again.
Someday, I will thank you for walking away, because someday, I will be stronger for this.
I pray for your future, that you find ‘home’. I pray for your child, that she knows how much you love her. I pray for your soul, that it find peace. And I pray for your future partner, that she be everything you need.
Always love you.