Giving someone a second chance is something that’s always been easy for me. And a third, fourth, and sometimes tenth. I’ve been told it’s a sign of weakness. “Why let them back into your life”, “they wouldn’t do the same for you”, “you’re showing them how easily they can walk all over you”, and my favorite “they’re just going to do it again”. It seems I have a very high tolerance for not only pain directed at me, but other’s stupidity. I forget what they did quickly and forgive even faster. The previous pain caused, disappearing before I know it. Holding onto past hurt has never been a strong suit of mine, and I’ll admit, it probably is a reason I get sucked into repetitive situations that aren’t the best for me, and I get burned, or hurt again and again. I used to tell people I bounce really well. Because I do, after a short period of licking my wounds, they disappear and I am ready to face the world, once again and all the crap it has to throw at me. My need to forgive and forget is so buried in my self that it comes as second nature now. The ability to compartmentalize and leave behind is something I don’t even think about anymore. When it’s gone, it’s gone. Is that good or bad?
Sometimes I want to hold onto the pain, because sometimes people don’t change and it would be good to remember who they were and what they are capable of so I can handle myself better the next time. However, I have an unwavering belief that all people can change for the better, and that every person needs a second chance sometimes. I was given them, I AM given them, every day. I see children, growing into adults, with little to no chance at being anything more than a statistic. Another jail rabbit, in and out faster than the system can realize it. Begging on the corner for spare change, probably for drugs or a drink. Giving up because they believe no one cares or that they are unloveable. Those are the ones I forgive for, forget the pain. Their actions a direct result of them believing they are nothing more than a waste of space. The ones that haven’t ever been shown love, or affection, or loyalty. The ones that when I say “I love you unconditionally” they push limits to try to see if I’m just another liar, promising something I have no intention of fulfilling, ready to push them away at the first sign of spikes instead of roses.
But do I really do it for them?
Forgiving comes easily with practice, forgetting easier. But the memories of when someone truly appreciates the second chance they are given, regardless of what for, are stored forever. Those memories cushion the pain for the next time, making it faster and effortless eventually to brush things off. There are some people that will never change and when I’ve taken enough of a beating and I walk way, it doesn’t mean I stop loving or caring, it means I am walking away for me. I still care deeply for them, Nd always will, and if there is change, there will always be another chance. It might not be at the same level the first ones were, but I won’t give up.
Giving second chances isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength. It’s easy to stand on the side of life and watch but never participate. It takes courage and resolve to step a foot in and take the chance to get hurt again, and possibly again. I don’t do it for them, I do it for me. Because I want to feel alive. I want others to get the chance to appreciate the second chances they’ve been given, just as I do. I want to live life with no regrets, hoping that somewhere I made a difference. Giving second chances makes me notice the opportunities I’m given more clearly than ever. Because life is so short and so precious sometimes a second chance is more than we can hope for. Every morning I will take the day for what it is, a second chance to do more, and be that ray of light that someone was to me.