Recently, I heard from someone from my past life. I say past life, because the person I was, the things I did and the mistakes I made, feel like a different lifetime ago. I had moved on, with every part of my being… or so I thought. The conversation was not pleasant, nor particularly wanted. They hadn’t changed. You still didn’t hear anything I said, only listened to respond.. I could hear the hatred that your family holds onto spewing from the angry words that weren’t completely yours. It left me feeling thrown-up on, damaged again… like I was so long ago.. for about 10 minutes, when I realized, you only have the limited power over me that I used to give you, and I took it back.
Then today, when I happened to stumble upon the most serendipitous happenstance I could not have created on my own. A gentle reminder there was still pain, anger and a little resentment left in a box that I had compartmentalized years ago. Forgive.. but don’t forget. I thought I had done that. So I start the process again, of forgiving. Forgiving that you were half the problem. I was the other half. Forgiving the blatant pain you caused not only me, but our entire family, multiple times. Forgiving myself for the part I played in letting it continue far beyond what it should have. Forgiving the frequent indiscretions when I chose to look the other way. Forgiving the lies you loved to spout more often than not. Forgiving myself for walking away.. Realizing that I can walk away.
I am happy, because I have let go, moved on, and have the world at my feet.
I find humor in how small the world likes to remind me it is, every single day. And I am curious as to how this new development will play out. But I can tell you, it does not define me. You, no longer define me. I have discovered who I am and who I will become. So, thank you for finding the one weak spot I had left and allowing me to mend it the right way, instead of letting it sit on a shelf. I genuinely hope the best life for you.