Dear younger me,
On being an adult.
Slow down. You couldn’t wait to be grown up, and in doing so, made your life much harder than it needed to be. There were so many things you wanted to do, and you wanted them all now… Trust me.. It’s ok to do them one at a time, and slowly… Enjoying the experience.
Eating frosted flakes every morning because no one is telling you not to, will catch up with you eventually. But before it does, eat everything… Your taste buds are changing and your maturity in food will surprise you. Try every food that you have an opportunity to at least once. Don’t reject Rocky Mountain oysters because you know what they are, it’ll make a good story later.
That bed time you couldn’t wait to get away from… You will miss it.. And naps. Try to get a schedule and give yourself a bedtime, it will make the work week much easier.
Own at least one pair of shoes that you like to put on just to look at yourself in the mirror. Better yet, own at least one outfit that you can put on and know you are sexy as hell.
Matching your underwear and bra doesn’t really matter… It just makes laundry day more difficult.
Keep embarrassing secrets for your friends… They will return the favor. If they don’t, they shouldn’t be in your life. Cover for them too, if they need you. There’s a lot of value in a friend who you can count on to get you out of a bad situation.
Be loyal, no one is anymore, and when you find someone who is loyal on the same level, that is a friend for life.
Don’t feel the need to tell everyone everything about you the first time you meet, or the second or the third. Sometimes you learn more about yourself by listening to other people’s stories.
If there is an opportunity to make a story or memory, take it.. Always.
Anything can turn into an adventure, if you’re open to it.
I know you’re tired, but the kids won’t remember how great you were at going to work, they’ll remember the picnic dinners on the living room floor, the midnight runs to the grocery store, the hide and seek at the movie theater after close, mostly the time you spent paying attention… to just them. That goes for friends too. There’s a lot of chances to party , but if you really want to make memories, do something intimate, unexpected and real.
Do something you have been terrified to do, at least once. You will feel like a total badass afterwards. And that high is better than anything.
Don’t look at bad situations as “bad luck” or with bitterness. Look at them as the world finding places you aren’t as strong as you could be… it’s endurance and strength training.
Regret nothing. This one takes a little bit of forward thinking. When you enter a situation, you have to think about the results and aftermath. If you can do that and still go into it knowing that even if it doesn’t work the way you want it to, it will be fun, or teach you something, or make a story…. You can live regret free.
Breathe…. Just because you’re smart, doesn’t mean everyone else is. Common sense isn’t something everyone is born with…. And unfortunately, sometimes there is no fixing stupid, but it doesn’t mean they deserve any less compassion or patience or love.
Don’t ever stop wanting to learn something new. Even when you feel too old, or are told you are too old, do it anyway. You want to pursue your childhood dream of being a junior high school counselor at 50… You are the only one stopping you.
Find a way to make money that makes you smile at least 75% of the time… Every job will have bad days, but the good days and fun should far overshadow them.
And don’t let anyone tell you you can’t do something. Or you can’t make a living doing something you love. If you stay steady on this course and open your mind to opportunities you never thought you would like, or didn’t think were an option… You will be surprised at the places you’ll find yourself and the jobs you’ll love, but you never would have considered.
Love with everything you’ve got, but be prepared… Many people aren’t capable of loving the way you are, they will let you down. So love with no expectations.. But first learn to love yourself. You are a pretty fantastic person, with amazing drive, brains, skills, talents, humor, and a lot to offer the world. And when you find someone worthy, they will stick around.
Don’t take it personal that your badass-self scares a lot of people away.
Confidence makes the unworthy uncomfortable. When there is one that is worth your time, your confidence and self worth will be a bigger attraction than anything else you have to offer.
Give respect, without it being earned, and expect it. Do not lower yourself to someone else’s standards because they feel like the world or someone owes them.
No one owes you anything, every single situation you get yourself in to, is because of you. No one else. Once you realize that, you will be able to relax and make less bad decisions.
Make friends with older people, especially when you get into your 20s, something happens to who you are in your 20s.. That even if I tried to tell you, I’m not sure you would believe me. Older friends will have wisdom… Which is the one thing you really want out of all of your 20s, and 30s… And beyond.
Find younger friends too… One that you can be the cool, older friend with. Not cool like buying them alcohol, but cool like open minded, understanding and there, no matter what, because you know what it was like wherever they are.
That friendship will spans decades. And instead of being the older/younger relationship, you will learn a lot from them too, and become best of friends.
Don’t get discouraged when it feels like you are the only one reaching out to people, relationships and friendships have seesaw balances, if they matter to you, and you reach out and they make time for you… It’s worth it.
Don’t settle for mister or missus Right Now, it’s ok to take some time to fall in love with yourself and be ok being alone. It is the one thing I wish you would have learned sooner. There’s something empowering about being ok alone that nothing else can give you. And once you have it, no one can take it away.
Don’t do anything in excess. And don’t do things because everyone else is. It’s ok to be different. Your sense of humor and personality are all you need… And your ability to learn things on the fly… This one will become important unless you can learn to control your mouth when someone tells you you “can’t” do something.
Laugh, every day.
Smile.
I know you were told not to, but talk to strangers… When you’re happy, and you will figure out how to be every day as soon as you realize what awesomeness you are, your happiness brightens everything around you. Talking to strangers spreads it like a fungus. It’s good for both of you.
Listen to your instincts. Always. I can’t stress this one enough, if you would realize that your inner voice tells you more than anything else… It will save you a lot of heartache, headaches, and stress.
Don’t take anyone or anything for granted, ever.
Know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, learning what you should be, and doing what you were meant to be. See above for confirmation.. If you can find that daily happiness… Then this one will be confirmed every single day.
Sing. Loudly. Everywhere.
When you have kids, they say it goes fast… But you have no idea. They will need you less and less way sooner than you are ready. I know when they are young all you can do is think about how nice it will be for them to do things on their own… But trust me, you’d pay with an arm, just to have them want you to tuck them in at night again, or read a story together, or show you some painting that looks like a bad trip on acid, but you’ve been told it’s a painting of you.
You won’t be ready to let them go before they are 30… If ever. But you have to learn to do that or risk pushing them away. You have to trust that just as you know how awesome you are, and how awesome they are, that you did right by them and they will be ok.
Your kids will learn more from watching you than they will from anything else.
So, if you have daughters, make sure they see you being treated right, make sure they see that you love yourself, body and all. Make sure they have an environment that encourages learning, and that they can be unstoppable, because they see you being that way, make sure they know what right and wrong is and that it’s ok to demand respect.
If you have sons, make sure they know how to treat a woman like a lady, make sure they love themselves because they see you love yourself. Make sure they want to be better, stronger and capable because you are. Make sure they know how to treat their significant others because you expect to be treated right in your relationships.
Apologize to your kids. They need to know you are human too.
Let them know you aren’t an expert, and you will make mistakes, but as long as you’re together as a family, you will figure it out .
Make sure they know you are always on their team, cheering in their corner, and never judgemental.
Make your home a safe place, not only for them, but for their friends as well.
Never underestimate the value or power of being non-judgemental. In today’s world.. It will be another major attractive thing about you.
Forgive often, forget as much as possible, never hold a grudge. Eat what you want… In moderation… Being super skinny isn’t worth the bitchiness that comes with the constant hunger.
Be patient with your teenagers… You were them to your parents not that long ago.
Apologize to your parents, a lot. Help them out whenever you can, regardless of what that looks like, because you owe them for not killing you.
It’s ok to tell others they were right, when they are, but keep the “I told you so’s ” and “I was right” to a minimum.
You will realize you have the ability to manipulate, in a dark way… Don’t. If you have to manipulate, manipulate yourself. Don’t ever be satisfied or comfortable with who you are or where you are as a person. You can always be better.
Honesty, integrity and trust are more valuable than you can imagine. Once you break them… It’s nearly impossible to gain them back. And if you did… That person really loves you… Spend the rest of your life making sure they know how much you appreciate the opportunity to earn those back.
Make art. Even if you don think you can. It’s good for your brain and soul.
Stop avoiding things because you’re scared they might work out. This will take you until your 30s to figure out… But you will get nowhere unless you take some risks.
If you fail… It’s ok… Really… You will fail a lot. But every time you choose to get back up and try again, you become more of a badass. Stronger and undefeatable.
You have the tools to do anything you want.
You are much more powerful than you can ever imagine
You will make a difference, in rippling ways you never imagined were possible.
You don’t deserve to be talked down to, or be punished, ever by anyone for any reason.
You deserve to be treated like the lady your dad taught you you are.
Your mom will be one of the biggest resources for wisdom and best friends you’ve ever had. She is also going to be your cheerleader… And set the example you want to set for you to be to your kids.
Your dad will show his inner self, when you are mature enough to see it and appreciate it. He is more compassionate, caring, and invested in you than you can appreciate right now… But you will. And then you need to tell him.
Don’t apologize for being yourself, ever. If it makes people upset… Why are you around them? I already told you what a badass you are… It’s not your job to make sure everyone else knows that, just move on.
You don’t have to allow every person you come across access to your private club… Very few will actually deserve it, and it’s your club.. You don’t need to let them in to make them like you.
This may sound contradictory, but even though I told you to slow down, you also shouldn’t give up on your crazy dreams. Those ones that no one thinks you will ever achieve. Go see the places you want to see. Make money, be responsible, but spend some of that money on memories… Not stuff. Best memories are the ones you share with those that you love. Remember that.
And always just be you.
